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As younger siblings do, she looked up to her older sister, the dancer, in a big way
Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up to her older sister, the dancer, in a big way. Sara was 4 years older and was excelling in ballet, tap and jazz.
So we enrolled Teri in the same dance school and she really seemed to enjoy the lessons and her new friends. She was now, of course, a dancer, like her sister. And Teri very much looked forward to the climax of her first dance season, the year-end dance recital this school put on.
If you’ve ever been a dance parent, you of course realize that the obligation is quite large. Aside from the weekly lessons, scheduled on different days in our case, there is the extra investment of time and money preparing for the ‘big event’ - extra lessons and rehearsals, fittings for the completely different head-to-toe costume required for each dance number and a parents meeting for each dancer to make sure everyone was on the same stage come recital night. Baseball parents have it easy!
As fate would have it, Teri had surgery to lengthen her heel cord a few weeks prior to her dancing debut. But that didn’t stop her from lugging around the heavy cast trying keep up with the other performers. That’s my girl!
The big night arrives and in a flurry of hurried activity, we deliver our girls backstage complete with special hair do’s and a full coat of stage war paint and we take our seats in the auditorium.
The place darkens, the curtain rises and the show begins with the performances of some of the advanced students. They beam with pride showing off the stuff they had worked so hard on all year long. Two of Sara’s dances were slated and as always, she didn’t miss a step.
Then, to the “ahhhh, aren’t they cute”’s of the packed house, the curtain lifts to reveal Teri’s class of little tykes all in a line looking nervously around under the bright lights. At one end of the line was Teri, with her bulky cast in plain view and her hands tucked in the white muff in the starting position for “the Muff Dance.”
The moment arrived and music started. Teri didn’t. She just stood there, still as a statue, while her friends slipped into their well- rehearsed routine.
Was she nervous? Did she forget her steps? Did her foot hurt?
Then, as if on cue, she gracefully took her left hand out of the muff and raised it to her face, inserted her index finger into her nostril and with the precision of a Texas oil driller, began a full-scale exploration of the orifice that seemingly wouldn’t conclude until she hit paydirt! That’s my girl!
Needless to say, the place erupted into hysterical laughter that overrode the loud music. I began to slither down in my seat trying not to be among the majority who were splitting a gut at the spectacle and add to the embarrassment that Teri must have been beginning to feel.
Suddenly, as if it finally registered that the non-relenting roar of laughter was directed at her, she ran off the stage. I was already hustling out of the theatre to the backstage area in anticipation of having to do some creative parenting and intense consolation.
With a lot of tear drying and a little coaxing I managed to convince my little dancer to “get on with the show”, where she performed the rest of her numbers, without using her fingers.
The next year, she played tee ball.
Rick is co-creator of the breakthrough Make Every Day A Great Day Program. Read the powerful, life-changing testimonials and discover how this revolutionary product can dramatically change Your Life too!: http://www.MakeEveryDayAGreatDay.com/yes
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How Well Do You Know Your Child?
Do you think you really know your child? I don't mean know what he/she likes and doesn't like, but to know him/her well enough to understand his/her challenges, to appreciate his/her strengths and weaknesses and to help him/her develop his talents. Knowing your children can help increase their chance for success in the future and improve your relationship.
As parents, we are constantly looking for ways to improve out relationship with our children, discipline our children and provide proper guidance. How many of us take the time to get to really know our child? Some of us believe that our children are extensions of us and don't have their own thoughts, dreams and goals. When was the last time you sat down with your child to find out what they are thinking? The answers may surprise you. Children, especially during puberty, start to discover and develop their identity. They go through an emotional and psychological identity crisis and question and challenge their parents. At this point, children start to crave support and direction from their parents, but are not always compelled to ask for it. But how can you help your child, if you do not know their needs? Simple, ask them!
You are not a mind reader and your child probably will not voluntarily share his/her personal information with you. When you start to offer unsolicited advice, they feel that you are being intrusive or nosy and get defensive.
There are two simple steps to getting to know your child.
The first step is to listen more and speak less. Let your child direct the conversation and when they ask for your advice, offer it without being judgmental or critical. Lecturing and berating your child for poor judgment or unhealthy decisions will not help you to understand him/her more because you will not be getting to the core reason for the behavior. If you do not have the proper information, how can you give your child the support that he/she needs? By listening, you will be able to help your child understand how their choices and decisions affect their lives and direct them to making healthier and more responsible decisions. By being an active listener, you learn to acknowledge what your child is feeling and give your child the information and advice that he/she needs.
The second step is to ask the questions that will create meaningful conversation. The typical responses to “How was your day?” are “Good” or “Fine.” Ask open ended questions instead of closed ended questions that result in one word responses. Ask specific rather than general questions that will stimulate your child to think. Show your child that you have a genuine interest in what is going on in his/her life. Don't force this process, let it come naturally and soon your child will respond. Ask casually and soon your child will start to volunteer the information. Find out who influences your child. Even ask tough questions such as, "How do you feel about our family?" The point is not to judge your child's responses, but to know what he/she is thinking or how he/she is feeling. Ask your child if he/she has any resolutions for this year. What was his/her biggest challenge or setback last year? Ask the questions without interrogating. Don't bombard them with questions or you may face resistance. Resolve today to spend a few minutes each day getting to know your child better. This is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your child.
Marie Magdala Roker is an Academic and Personal Development Coach and Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor who works with parents to help them unlock and nurture the personal and academic potential in their children and motivate their children to success.
You can find her on the web at http://www.successfulchild.com.
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Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United States have Learning Disabilities
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United States have Learning Disabilities. At least 5% have Attention Deficit Disorders. All too many times during the course of their academic careers these children are labeled by teachers (or parents) as being "lazy, " or "stupid." Remarks of this type are typically interpreted by the child as, "You're no good, " and the self-esteem levels drop.
At least 50% of children will experience the divorce of their parents prior to turning 18 years old. Most children, for whatever reasons too complicated to go into here, will tend to place at least a portion of the blame for the parent's divorce on themselves. Since the parents are typically placed on a pedestal in the eyes of the child, the blame for the divorce cannot be placed on the parents and must be placed elsewhere, most commonly on themselves. This also significantly impacts children's self-esteem levels.
There are other important challenges to maintaining reasonable self-esteem, such as merely being "average" in a world that worships only the good looking, the good athletes, and the well-to-do.
But can too much self-esteem be bad for you?
Let me say here and now that inappropriately high levels of self-esteem may be worse that low levels. Levels of self-esteem that are too high may lead kids to believe that they are more important than anyone else, and that they should never be frustrated by work or challenges in life. It leads young people to believe that they should always have their way. Inflated levels of self-esteem ultimately discourages children and teens from learning how to work hard, and may well lead into criminal behavior (criminals tend to have high levels of self-esteem, not low levels).
Inflated levels of self-esteem also are directly at odds with the development of one's spirituality and relationship with God. After all, who needs to develop a relationship with God when he believes that what he wants is more important than what God wants? The ultimate out come of the self-esteem movement is seen in the New Age doctrine that you are, in fact, God. Yes you. The guy who can't balance his check book or keep his car fixed. You are God? So they tell us.
People are cheated in every important aspect of their lives, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, when their sense of self-esteem is over-inflated.
So how can we instill appropriate levels of self-esteem in our children?
Briefly, here are five key thoughts . . .
First, change the way that you look at this area of life from "self-esteem" to "self-confidence." There is a difference as wide as the sea.
To "esteem" someone, including one's self, involves feelings of "reverence" or "awe" or "honor" or "glory." Words have meaning. Let's not get carried away with trying to make our kids feel good about themselves by starting to ascribe to them positions of honor normally reserved for God, and perhaps for Presidents and Kings. The majority of our society's problems are caused by people thinking that they are as important or as powerful as God, or at least that they are more important than anyone else in the world. This is not something that we really want to encourage in our children, or in ourselves.
Instead we do want to encourage self-confidence. This attribute becomes especially powerful and beautiful when paired with the virtue of self-control. Raise your children to have these two character traits, and you will have wonderful and successful children, ADD/LD or not.
Second, give lots of encouragement, praise, acceptance, and teach responsibility.
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. See the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like this, "I like the way that you did that, " or "I know that you can do it, " or, "It looks like you worked very hard at that."
Encouragement is NOT giving compliments for work poorly done, but under those circumstances it IS inspiring your child to work harder and do better. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -St. Paul (Eph. 4:29)
Ultimately self-confidence comes from having accomplished things worth being proud of. Reserve Praise for things well done. Where Encouragement is given for effort, Praise is given for accomplishment. Just say, "That's a good start, keep at it, " when the work is not yet worthy of praise. Accept your child for who he/she is. If you expected that your baby would grow into an Olympic athlete with an IQ of 148, and instead he/she is "average" then you might be very disappointed as a parent (most children are "average, " which is why they call it "average").
Disappointment is often turned into anger, or at least frustration. If your child cannot live up to your dreams for him or her (and why should they?) then please be careful of your emotions. If you are not careful, your own dreams and expectations for your child will become a wedge between you and your child. Please never make your love, encouragement, or acceptance, dependent on their performance or behavior.
Teach Responsibility to your children.
Let them try things and let them fail once in a while. Don't keep bailing them out. Victory only tastes sweet if we taste the bitterness of failure once in a while. Trust me, the dog's not going to starve if he misses a meal or two. The newspaper won't come to publish a story on your family if your child fails to make his bed once in a while.
Just use these occasions to remind your child that if his dog is going to ever eat again, he needs to get out there and feed it (assuming that's your child's job). Remind your child that he or she is an important member of your home and that he needs to be responsible with doing his chores.
Make the consequences for not being responsible fit the crime. And of course be sure to reward/praise your child when he does act responsibly. Behavior that is rewarded tends to be repeated, and behavior that is ignored tends to go away -- so always reward and praise responsible behaviors in your children.
Douglas Cowan, Psy.D., is a family therapist who has been working with ADHD children and their families since 1986. He is the clinical director of the ADHD Information Library's family of seven web sites, including http://www.newideas.net, helping over 350, 000 parents and teachers learn more about ADHD each year. Dr. Cowan also serves on the Medical Advisory Board of VAXA International of Tampa, FL., is President of the Board of Directors for KAXL 88.3 FM in central California, and is President of NewIdeas.net Incorporated.
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Sara Styler, Irena Stevens, Veronika Pagacova, Tamara Sky, Fiona Luv, Lenka Drozd...
Fiona Luv
Tamara Sky
Lenka Drozd
Veronika Pagacova
Irena Stevens
Sara Styler
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Cody Milo, Mora Black, Heather Bauer, Ashlynn Brooke, Ashleys Candy, Natalie Sparks...
Natalie Sparks heats things up
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Ashleys Candy strips on her bed
Ashlynn Brooke
Heather Bauer
Mora Black
Cody Milo
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Pussy Babe
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Screening men over 65 for abdominal aortic aneurysms
Between 5% and 10% of men aged 65 to 79 have abdominal aortic aneurysms, but don't know it. If their weakened arteries burst they stand a very high risk of dying. Ultrasound screening of men in this age group can significantly reduce the numbers of men who die from this condition. The overall benefits of screening are complex, however, because a number of men may be subjected to unnecessary anxiety and/or to the complications of surgery........ Source: medicineworld.org
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